Now, if you know anything about Tunisia then you may skip the following few lines. If you are about to google it, then you might need the following context. Tunisia is a country of 12M people nested in the Northern tip of Africa. Also, we identify as Arabs but we kind of sit in an awkward space as we often speak a language that is a mix of Arabic and French so we are not fully understood by neither fellow Arabs nor French people. The country was colonized by a large array of civilizations ranging from Romans and Ottamans to French before achieving full independence in March 20, 1956. As Tunisians, we like to think that this culturally diverse history made us particularly adaptable to change. This theory was about to be tested as I started my journey in the USA.
Armed with a large stock of Tunisian spices and an even larger dose of excitement, I made my way to the tiniest studio possible in Hollywood. For the first time of my life I was going to live with roommates YAY! These consisted of 5 aspiring artists that were currently going through a “dry” phase.
Living with roommates was my first task in flexibility but certainly not the last. The following months and years, I moved houses, cities and countries until moving became the new norm. Changes ranged from big such as learning the local language to more subtle such as the dilemma of twerking or not twerking and dealing with dates who don’t pick up neither you nor the tab. In short, the battle between my past (roots) and my current reality (new beginning) was on the daily menu.
If you too made the jump into a home away from home, you know that a new balance is not easy sh**. Let’s review the 3 options that you probably were presented with, shall we?
1.YOU CLUTCH TO YOUR PAST
You look for your community of origin within the new country and never wander out of it. Food, clothes, friends and everything in between should be certified “From Back Home” because “It is waaaay better there”. Slowly, you find yourself isolated from your environment operating with US vs. THEM mindset. Instead of blaming this on your lack of adapatabiliy, you lash out at your hosting country making it guilty of your own sentiment of unease. If left untreated, resentment and anger start showing their ugly heads and that will not lead anywhere good.
2. YOU ERASE YOUR PAST
It is like you got hit by a huge truck as soon as you landed in your hosting country and can’t recall a bit of your previous life. You have never lived anywhere before. You meticulously curate a new persona that is “100% born and raised local”. You try to hide every clue that may lead to the slightest doubt that you have not been born and raised within your host country. The issue is that this “performance” is very demanding. You are required to be someone you know you are not deep inside. Eventually, this will lead to a build up of internal guilt and an identity crisis.
3. START THE JOURNEY FOR AN EVOLVED VERSION OF YOURSELF
This was the choice I picked. Here you evolve into an identity that is your own mosaic of past and present. You don’t deny any part of who you are. Instead, you embrace all of those parts and aim for a harmonious coexistence between your past and present. Who said that your identity needed to be a monochrome anyway? Your new identity might not make sense to anyone else besides you but who cares! Living authentically with inner harmony is what matters the most. Do you. Period. Looking back at the past 8 years, I have no regrets to report on this choice.
If you are already on that path, you might see yourself in the following words. If you chose option 1 or 2, the stubborn woman I am will try to convince you to get curious about the 3rdoption. However, you need to know that this process is not for the faint of heart...
1. IT IS A SCARY AND LENGTHY PROCESS
You are literally messing around with your belief system and we all know that THAAAT neighborhood can be pretty sketchy. It is not the simplest place to navigate let alone influence or change. You get to consciously choose and build who you are piece by piece. That takes time, courage and acceptance of not one, not two but manyyyy errors along the way.
2. IT CAN GET LONELY
You don’t always have your closest family and friends physically around. You will miss your family asking you if everything was ok just because they know you so well and words are not necessary to read into you. You will miss those spontaneous big fat hugs from your friends that make all your problems vanish. Basically, you will have to toughen up and go out there on your own. You will have to make decision on your own and assume the consequences with no one holding your hands. It is adulting on steroids!- Yuck.
3. YOU FEEL LOST AS HELL
It is like being Leonardo Dicaprio in Inception. You are stuck in limbo. You don’t know where you are exactly neither do those who are watching you evolve. There is no straight line to the promised land of your new evolved identity because it is defined through wandering around, trying on various versions, making mistakes, learning, adjusting. It is called growth.
4. PEOPLE MIGHT NOT LIKE YOU
Some people will blame you for ‘trading off” your birth culture. Others will slap you with “The foreigner” tag. For some people, you simply will never fit in neatly.
OK Sirine, this journey doesn’t exactly feel like a dream option. Why should I do this again? Hit me up with the positive FAST, FAST, FAST.
1. STEP INTO REAL FREEDOM
Once you make it out of turbulence area and into smooth sailing mode, the truth is that you gonna have the best high of your life. How about that? Imagine all the fears in your head materialize yet you find a way to deal with them effectively. You discover your inner strength and your ability to be resourceful. Isn’t liberating to KNOW that you are capable of making it on your own no matter what? The key is to approach it as skydiving. You are scared as hell yet you let go of everything. You know that millions of things can go wrong but you trust that everything will be ok. The moment you touch the ground, you are submerged by a thrilling feeling of joy, pride and real freedom. Yep, you did it.
2. KNOW YOURSELF INSIDE OUT
Building an evolved hybrid identity requires a proactive and conscious approach. Faced with new options outside of your cultural bubble, you are more aware of your ability to scan, review, add and delete any part of you until you build that person you are fully proud of. Like an inventor, you are going to closely engineer each part of who you are. You will fully know yourself inside out because you literally rebuilt yourself from the ground and up and isn’t it what we all aim for in this life? Although not impossible, this would be much harder if you’ve never left your home country. You would rarely question the codes of your society that you’ve automatically absorbed since childhood because that is just “the normal” everywhere around you.
3. INSPIRE OTHERS
As you might face some criticism for who you became, you will also meet sooo many people that will adore you for the richness of your journey. Like anything in life, my biggest advice is to stick to your lane. Your friends might not be inspired to pack their bags and hop on the first flight out of their home country but they might very well dare a little more in their choices. You can be a catalyst for someone to challenge their status-quo and go for that atypical journey they’ve always dreamed of. This can be at a professional or personal level. If you did it so they can.
Finally, for all those who are looking for themselves and are becoming impatient to find the answer and ease the discomfort, my biggest advice is: Trust the process. Much like learning a new dance, it may be awkward in the beginning as you are trying to figure out all the right steps, making conscious moves and being hyper aware of the negatives before the positives BUT the more you practice, the better it gets. You start leaving the structure behind and focusing on the rhythm. You are filled with a sentiment of freedom and pride as you are getting out of your own head and finally enjoying the flow. Ready for the jump?
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